my pain is bigger than theirs and theirs will always be bigger than mineyou said

so my vocal chords tried to carry it away

whirling through wires, traveling to you to

take it off your chest. your back.

it hurts me to hear you speak of yourself that way-

small. weak. unloved. 

you forget my skin was made of yours

and fail to see the galaxy in your arms and

the fountain of love that flows from your hands

so who do you need me to be today?

now that I’m bigger I can be your mirror

show you all the wonderful things you miss

when the fog of life descends on you

like a heavy weight

let me carry those words from your mouth

and toss them away

let me show you the galaxy there, in your arms

and let you bathe in the fountain of love you raised me to keep,

here in my heart.

 

 

 

in case you were wondering

What I wish they’d told me about losing someone you love is that you’ll never be the same again. You’ll finally understand the illusion of time- how some days feel as though they’ll never end, and others like a brand new beginning. Many a sad memory will come to pay you a visit. You’ll suddenly remember the first kiss again. And then, the last. For a few months you’ll act unlike yourself just so you can feel alive again. You won’t be able to stand that dull, numb sensation taking over the space where your heart used to be. You learn death doesn’t just take your loved one away and leaves after that. No. Death hangs around. It stays. It becomes a part of who you are now. For better or for worse. Some days it makes you passionate about things you never even noticed before, like the white trail clouds leave behind. And others, it makes you never want to see a blue sky again. It’s messy and disorienting and heartbreakingly painful. At first. And then, always. It doesn’t get any better with time like they say. You just learn to live with it. To befriend it and let it in. And then it never leaves. You let it take over so the past can die and stay behind. And that’s how you learn to live again. That is the time of your rebirth. Your heart and soul will grow so big that one day you stop being who you were and you become love. so let the tears come. let them wash away the pain.

(this is how you grow)