Lucid

Lucid,

Walking through the mist of memories in my brain

You appear to say

All that I’ve been afraid to admit to myself

Casting fear and doubts in my sleeping head

until tears wake me up

Confused, I shake my head to forget the words you said

But I just end up reliving the nightmare I  had

I tried to run as you held my hand

I couldn’t

So I stood and listened to you say: “it’s not meant to be this way”

Then I screamed at you to leave

But I stayed

Angry and scared, fighting back the tears my pride didn’t want you to see

I’ve been afraid of my own shadow these days,

questioning looks and the light  on your face,

every word and gesture, done or refused

Writing lists of pros and cons in my head

And every time you appear

I carry your words with me for days

Like a ghost that never stops haunting me,

I wish you’d just go away

Out of my dreams,

out of my head,

leave me to cry over the present,

Because I have no more tears left to spill for the past.

“Starting Now” Ingrid Michaelson

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