Below is an excert from a journal entry that I wrote on the last day of 2010:
“It’s the last day of the year. I woke up a lot earlier than I needed to in order to have a good breakfast and head to the beach before the usual 11:30 am… I looked out from the balcony towards the beach and realized this is the first time since I’ve been here that I’ve seen this view this early. The sun was quickly filling in the shaded areas of the city, washing it with its light and heat. It was already so hot. I took my pj’s off and ate breakfast in my underwear. It’s so nice to live alone.
I woke up today thinking of what I want in 2011. 2010 was a good year, but there were a lot of sad moments, a lot of running away from situations I knew were not good for me. My mother always told me to make a list of things I want for the upcoming year and there is only one thing on my list for 2011: happiness.
I heard a reporter on the tv talking about the New Year phenomena, explaining it as a situation where everyone wants their whole life to change in one day. I thought about my life, and whether that is what I’m also expecting for myself. I know soon I’ll be back in SD, out of Maceió, and I’ll have to choose. I’ll have to say no to things I will want badly. I know there needs to be changes in my life in 2011. I need to be better, to stop rebelling against something I can’t even define anymore. And I’m afraid of going back and forgetting everything I’ve learned here so far- the importance of friendship, of surrounding yourself with good, positive people.
I want to go back and feel like myself. I want to fall in love in 2011. Fall in love with someone that will love me to pieces. And maybe I even want to meet the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
In 2011, I want true happiness. I don’t want to be simply content with my life, chasing money and drowning my sorrows in alcohol and sex. I want to love and not think twice about letting it take me over. It may not be easy but I want it. I need it. I don’t want to forget what I’ve learned here: that what really matters in life all boils down to LOVE. I won’t run away from it any more. I’ll stand, wait, and let it come find me. And I know it will.
Of course my cynical side thinks it is silly to stop and wish for love, instead of continuing to chase my own future and financial success. But I’ve come to realize, more than I already had before, that one can do without money, but not love- not happiness.”
–> It is the middle of 2011 and I’ve gotten everything I wanted at the end of 2010.
If you are unhappy with your life, just know that it is never too late to have a better one, a happier one, surrounded with love. But it won’t happen unless you stop and make the decision to be happy. Until you decide you deserve happiness and love and stop accepting the bits and pieces that other people give you instead of the whole soul you deserve. And when the day comes when happiness knocks on your door (and it will come) don’t run away and don’t be afraid. Don’t question your smile, don’t question your heart, just let yourself be happy. Let yourself be vulnerable and let yourself fall.
You’ll be surprised at how happy you can be when you push reason aside and decide instead to just follow your heart.