“Your walls are made of hay,” she heard him say one night as they ate dinner on her living room floor.
She felt naked then.
Not that he had never seen her that way, but how could he just see right through her?
She tried to put up walls. But her heart was stubborn and too big. It’s beat was strong and loud. And it couldn’t be quieted, nor crushed, even once shattered. Within, it lived with the eternal hope of true love; of finding “the one;” of eternal damnation and salvation alike. But still, she felt the need to surround it with a wall; to build a fortress around it. But her heart didn’t need one. It was born wild and ready to feel- whether happiness or pain, crushing sorrow or the sweetest of delights- to feel so many things was better than to feel just one: numbness.
So when he looked at her with those eyes that made her heart Jump, she tried her hardest to stare right back. But sometimes it was just too much. She could feel her heart burn. “Let it burn,” she’d said, staring right back into his endless eyes.
When he started to dance with her alone in her room, she swung right along to the rhythm of his hips, taking breaks now and then to kiss his lips, holding him close, until it was all just too much.
Still, she tried to be cool. After all, she’d remind herself, “men always want what they can’t have.” Obviously, she and he knew that he had her. Her defense? Not letting him have her all the time. “Keep a little distance. Make a little space. Have your own life.” She’d tell herself these things.
Inside, at times, that’s not what her heart wanted at all. She wanted to see him sleep more often, marvel at his peaceful beauty, the curves of his body, the strength in his arms… Yes, she wanted to cook him breakfast, and wake him with kisses and nibbles, and sing close to his ears, and maybe eventually tell him how she felt around him.
Yes. She wanted to just be honest, open, cheesy if need be. She wanted to make plans and be a part of his;
Wanted to be his partner, friend, companion, and eventually, the other half of him.
But he already knows it’s only made of hay.