two and the same

he hides a storm of thoughts
behind his eyes and lips
but every now and then
he lets a thunder or two slip
and I catch them only because
I know this art well-
building walls is also
my strength.

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destination: love

maybe I’ll never get to see
all the places my feet wish to wander through
maybe the oceans and plains I dream of visiting
will remain a mystery to my eyes
a vision only in my mind
but perhaps his two arms will become my world
and the scent on his neck home
it’s possible that his embrace
can become the safe place
I never thought I’d find again
and that life is enough of an adventure
if lived by his side
with a lot of love
and a side of laughter.

caution

I’ve learned to keep my thorns sharp,

even if I do happen to put some of them away ocassionally

You never know if this time I’ll need to use them

I build my walls and kick the ladder so he has to

climb and curse for me

I make him work and sweat for me, while giving only the bare minimum

a teaspoon of sugar just to keep him interested-

the sweetest honey comes from the Queen Bee

and now only the strong can manage to wrestle love

out of me.

 

Coming Soon

2 years and 10 months of writing myself out of numbness and into nirvana, 301 double-sided pages of purging, of growth, of heartbreaking honest words. Now comes the editing process, and then… publishing! Thank you to all who have supported me through this journey, who have brought me wine in bed during the really rough days (you know who you are), who have read the first few chapters and encouraged me to keep going, or simply kept a light on for me as I delved into darkness. This book was born out of the grief I experienced losing my best friend and was written for all who have experienced loss. I cannot wait to be able to share my story with the world.

Bananas, Oranges, Milk and Bread

we remember
the to-do lists left unchecked
to pay the cable bill and call
the waiter for the check
then,
laundry
food shopping,
bananas
oranges
milk
bread

feed the cat.

Don’t forget to call mom back.

The mind is kind as
it gives the heart a rest
and occupies itself
with menial tasks.

bananas
oranges
milk and bread

but perhaps I’m still there
hiding beneath all his pending to-do’s.

chemistry

I know that it’s just science-
oxytocin and endorphins rush in my blood then
dance their way back down to normalcy
in my brain.
But I can’t help it.
I’m like an addict
and he’s become the drug.

So what’s the antidote?
time and distance?
How do I wean myself off?
How do I keep my wits about me?
How to keep my walls supported?
How to not let just another somebody rule my heart?

Siren call

She called to me in my dreams, kiss me she asked

And I did, because our souls somehow found each other in this crazy world and there is no time to be afraid

Not anymore

She made me question all my notions, spill all my secrets and tears as if it was ok-

I was safe.

Are you my twin flame? I wanted to ask

but decided to settle for dear friend instead.