Naive but Free

 

I’m not afraid of great failure or absolute success

What I fear most is the in-between: a mediocre kind of life, without magic or surprises, or nights turned into days where we sat and watched sunrises

without dancing shadows and time to wrap my body around yours, without the pitter patter of tiny feet on cold, wooden floors

without a heart to love the sadness in me and chase it with light-

No, happy enough will never be sufficient for me

 

You’re so naive some like to say

But I’d rather stay naive and free.

Wild

I don’t have time for tears anymore-

Happiness has become my clock’s battery,

my alarm to wake up

and burn

feel, touch, scream,

cry, bite, love, grow,

scratch past the surface

the mediocre people seem to settle for.

Wild

Sometimes I can be trouble

if I don’t have someone just as wild

to run with.

Stupid Happy

Rubbing the sleep off your eyes

You give me that face

The one that still looks surprised

To find me laying here beside you.

 

Darling, have I told you yet just how much I like you?

I’m sure my eyes have betrayed me

If my mouth has somewhat managed

to stay silent this long

 

It’s not like me to fall like this

It’s not safe to be this unafraid

This comfortable,

this bare,

this happy around you.

But if the other shoe’s gotta drop

I bet I can catch it before we both hit the floor

 

A little faith, love

Maybe scars can heal

Hearts made new

Maybe you’re my salvation

Or maybe it’s just finally our turn

to be stupid happy

in life

in love.

 

Helena

She found reasons to hold my hand during the time we spent together

And nearly saved my life by walking me over the other side of the street

To her, my feet with no calluses were feet of royalty

“Little Princess”

she called me

I held her tight when we said goodbye

And told her all about the gifts I’d bring her next time:

A stool bench that folds, a pair of sandals like mine, a new brand name polish to keep company to the one I gifted her last time…

But then she left without knowing

how much love I felt for her

This woman I’ve seen only twice in my life,

Who paints my nails while sitting on a plastic bucket

And tells me stories of family, love, and tragedy

All accompanied by a smile and good cheer.

Oh, Helena

Do you know how special you are?

If I’m princess, you are queen of this universe

And don’t you dare let them tell you otherwise

You’ve given me more warmth in a few hours than I’ve received in months in that far away land where I hail from,

Where we keep all our calluses in our soul,

not our feet.

For everything else

Endorphins race accross my brain like a string quartet,

pushing and pulling against each other

until their noise is so deafening

that I find myself at peace;

Only when everything inside me is screaming do I find myself alive

 

What is happiness

but a certain balance of chemicals in our brain

and if I’m unbalanced,

at least there’s a warm embrace ready when I need one these days.

 

For everything else,

there’s a doctor with pills

For everything else,

there is poetry and a dream.