What type of warrior are you?

Another dagger in the heart

You’d think by now that 

I’d have learned how 

to use my shield,

how to wield my sword…

Guess I’m just not

the type of warrior 

who fights off love. 

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An Ordinary Sunday

I’ve been thinking a lot about the ordinary days, the ordinary moments when in a millisecond, everything we know and hold dear changes.

It’s Sunday, September 13th, 2015 at around 6 pm. I’m in the backseat with one of my friends, coming home from dinner and planning to head out again to a brewery for a couple of pints of a limited release brew

and then…

He’s passed away, his best friend said from the other end of the line

I couldn’t breathe. I remember clutching my heart in some irrational attempt to try and hold the pieces together. It could only be because my heart understood then what my head couldn’t: he was gone. Dead. The word was too strong for his friend to say, but I understood what he meant.

Or rather, at least my heart did.

It made no sense but explained everything then- the unanswered calls and texts over the last few days, the plans for the weekend he never got to make with me… That wasn’t like him.

It wasn’t like him to drop dead either.

just an ordinary Sunday 

an ordinary day in the Fall

Life changes in an instant and it’s gone just as fast, too. I’m not sure what’s more terrifying to me now- the fragility of life or the destruction of death.

Paul has passed away, he said

And I stood outside under the falling leaves, clutching whoever and whatever I could as I tried to hold on to any sense of reality left in my world.

Just an ordinary Sunday

an ordinary day in the Fall

 

 

 

 

 

Truth no. 3

He’s been calling,texting me the usual how-are-you’s that are always full of emptiness and devoid of care.

I never answer-I can’t.

My heart is already too shattered to be broken again.

“What do you want to say to him?” you once asked when we were both high and drunk

and I remember chocking back on my words, unable to speak

so instead I just closed my eyes and wished

that he would apologize for being a hypocrite my entire life, knowing all along that the day would never come.

He has no depth for apologies.

He doesn’t care for them at all unless they are directed towards him-

my favorite narcissist.