Stand by

Any minute now he may call.

so you wait.

hoping to hear the words you know will never come.

 

I’m sorry I took your light as my own

and wore it down to a spark

you deserve better than my selfishness.

you deserve a galaxy to shine in

not a dark, empty sky;

I’m sorry I took your time, your nights, your breath and words

I’m sorry I wanted so much

and didn’t give enough.

 

You wait.

but they never come.

Instead you get to choose between a selfish love or being alone

as if it was even a question-

either one leaves you where you’ve been except

a little sadder now than before.

 

every time

I’m getting tired of telling the same sad story

to different people.

I keep hoping the more I say

he wasn’t in love with me

the less it will hurt and

the more I’ll believe it

but it’s not working so far-

it still feels like a dagger

straight to the heart

every. time.

captive audience

I’ve tried to write different words

but my hands just won’t obey

Don’t get excited, I say to myself

But but but… my heart whispers back

can’t you see yourself loving again?

 

and so here I am, captive audience

to logic and love

as lady anger tells me once more

that I shouldn’t have listened

that I should have run

before my heart caved in

and got carried away

in his goodbye.

 

self love

I made love to myself today-

I sat in front of the mirror and slowly seduced my reflection, touching my curves here and there, lowering my shirt inch by inch to expose my breasts. I caressed my silky smooth legs and grabbed my ass the way I know it likes to be handled, I bit my lips and arched my back and took in the vision that is me, in this body, tan and glistening against the white covers. I massaged my favorite spots until I couldn’t anymore, the pleasure bubbling up then pouring out of me as I locked eyes with myself in the mirror.

And there it was- the fire in me that I adore

the thirst for magic that isn’t easily quenched draining slowly from my spine

my body melting into stillness

my heart enamored with all the ways I’ve found

to love myself.

to worship this sacred skin I’m in

and honor the divine within.

do you speak silence?

it takes a lot to handle me

a certain mix of fragile strength and courage is required

for I am an a cappella song echoing through the walls

the knock on the door at midnight after you’ve turned off the lights

a sunset on fire and water crashing on the shore wrapped up in

the stillness of a starry sky

the undulating hips on the dance floor

the voice speaking to flowers in vases

the body smoking nude on the grass

The hand, writing

lips red when everyone else’s are bare

eyes staring

still wide open and curious for the unknown.

 

Time tick-tocks its way into another tomorrow

and it gets more and more difficult

to find someone who will learn my silences

and speak within them.