a life of maybes

I always wish they wouldn’t have walked away, right before eventually realizing that in the end, who knows just how long I would’ve let them stay? I make him and the one before the bad guys, but with time, even I would’ve had to play a part and who knows which it would’ve been- broken or heart breaker, or is there an in-between?

Maybe I’d turn out to be jealous, or too bossy. Maybe I’d drink the last beer and never replace it and complain every time you forgot the toilet seat up. Who knows, maybe I’d turn bitter; turn into a cantankerous old lady. Maybe I’d lose my dreams and suck the life out of yours. Maybe I’d use you as a distraction and sit at a distance watching you tear down your walls just to later drive a bulldozer right through your heart. I could become a cold-hearted bitch. I could just use your body for pleasure and warmth but never give a damn about undressing your mind. Or worse- your heart.

But maybe, if you had let me, your walls would come down with time, with mine, dissipate in the afterglow of what would become us. Maybe we could’ve grown together. Become better. Inspire the best in each other. Maybe we’d become a pair of the kind of people that hold hands over dinner. And maybe, on more days than not, we’d wake up happy. And maybe part of the reason would’ve been each other.

We could live a life of maybes.

If only I believed in them like I used to.

 

 

 

Definitely

There are good days and bad days

but the last two

have been the latter

tea and words and tears

for breakfast

and a flood of memories my mind

hasn’t remembered in a while

I want to be able to say more

than just I miss him

when they sit beside me

concern flooding their eyes when they notice

my tear-stained face

but I have no words

to explain the insufferable longing

here in my heart

except for

Saudade

the tongue of my motherland

suddenly

comfort seems so distant

a dream my mind must have made up

to get me through today

and then tomorrow

and the day after that

because when life breaks you this way

it’s either live one day at a time

or die.

The in-betweens we create disappear

you learn there’s only yes and no

I will and I won’t

I want you or I don’t

good days and bad

but the last two have been the latter

definitely.

Maybes no longer exist in my world.

 

 

Maybe

The shape of your neck

The lines on your face

I am hypnotized by the smallest parts of you

Things no one may notice

I look at all the details

And try to memorize your face

Burn the picture of you on my brain

 

Like the best mystery novel

I want to uncover you

Discover all the secrets you never share

Take off your masks

I’ll undress my soul

And we can have ourselves an honest affair

Let my mind discover yours

My fingers trace the past of your steps

 

Our lips can say so much

But tell me with your eyes

The stories you have yet to write

 

Speak with your mind

Move with your soul

And you’ll win over my heart

Don’t promise forever

But don’t tell me never

Maybe we should give this a try?