attempts at meditation

I sit cross-legged on my living room floor with eyes closed as I search for my center, holding rose quartz gemstones in the palm of each hand. I imagine healing energy flowing from my hands straight to my heart as I look inwards and outwards through my third eye in search of messages, signs, movements, colors, sparks, really anything but darkness. Then suddenly I see very faintly, the image of a door and the shadow of someone dancing behind it.

Blackout.

Next I see dancing rainbows- an explosion of orderly colors continuously moving parallel to each other, an infinity of joy and happiness. I start laughing at the silly nature of these images and immediately I understand what all of this means. As I sit in stillness alone with my sadness, I’m being told to lighten up and not take everything so seriously.

And so what if my heart broke? How great to have loved so much!

And so what if he left? I’m never really alone.

As these realizations dawn on me like soft rain, I  start to sense hundreds of people sitting in a circle around me and I feel so much love and peace.

And in that moment, in the silence, cross-legged alone on the floor of my living room, I understand that I’m safe.

I’m protected.

 

 

Creek

Sanity
Lemon haze and this creek
The sun’s heat on my naked skin
My limbs on the breathing earth
The cool breeze
a tease of the winter that’s to come.

Here,
Peace.
Silence.
Hush hush now,
Be who you be and worry not
about the “aren’ts”
The leaves whisper the name they’ve given me, and
With my head and body leaned against an old, wise tree
I sit
And I am still,
Still.