farewell, self

I like the idea of gifting funerals

to parts of me that

need to die.

I like the idea of offering them a prayer

and saying goodbye with gratitude

for all their teachings

before walking away

cradling new parts of me

in my arms

close to my heart

so they can grow right from the start

knowing so much

love.

self love

I made love to myself today-

I sat in front of the mirror and slowly seduced my reflection, touching my curves here and there, lowering my shirt inch by inch to expose my breasts. I caressed my silky smooth legs and grabbed my ass the way I know it likes to be handled, I bit my lips and arched my back and took in the vision that is me, in this body, tan and glistening against the white covers. I massaged my favorite spots until I couldn’t anymore, the pleasure bubbling up then pouring out of me as I locked eyes with myself in the mirror.

And there it was- the fire in me that I adore

the thirst for magic that isn’t easily quenched draining slowly from my spine

my body melting into stillness

my heart enamored with all the ways I’ve found

to love myself.

to worship this sacred skin I’m in

and honor the divine within.

winning myself over

I light the candles and lick my lips

I seduce myself with music

and offer my heart a serenade

I take a bath and indulge in the

sweet caress of my fingertips on my skin

I adorn my body in lingerie

red lace

barely covering my bits

I tousle my hair and let it fall as it pleases

and throw myself a kiss when I catch my reflection

in the mirror

my whole life I’ve gotten ready for others

but not today-

I show up for a date with myself

as the best version of me I can be

and win over my own damn heart

back again.

onwards and upwards

“You’re so comfortable,” he says after inhaling my skin in the dark.  And we both know that not too long from now, he’ll walk right out the door because he can’t give me enough.

When you deserve the best and the best isn’t him, turns out you get left a lot.

It’s a bit tragic, really.

At least I’ve learned quite a bit from getting left, the most important lesson being this:

Walk away as they do, too.

Why bother staying and why bother trying to stop someone from moving on?

Moving on isn’t the same as moving forwards, after all. I know this because I’m definitely nobody’s backwards. But they do move on- most likely to another soul who is still asleep and unaware of just how much love they deserve.

You have learned your worth. You have studied it, dissected it, turned it inside out to admire the stitching pattern. This is why you’re able to say I love you to his face one last time, ask for the extra set of keys, and close the door on the past.

Now when the next one comes around, you’ll need to be convinced to stay. You’ll search his hands and heart for true treasures and not just shiny fantasies. And he won’t say things like “you’re so comfortable” because your fire will set him aflame, your storms wash any indecision away.

He’ll see in your eyes the enormous amount of love that you  have learned to gift yourself and his challenge then will be

to love you

more

than

that.

 

 

 

the everyday tragic

You lose people.

sometimes to death

and other times not.

You lose them in coffee shops

and through telephone wires

and sometimes

you even lose them in bed.

You lose people

before they even know it,

at times you can even lose them

in the most ordinary moments-

the walk to the store,

the deposit at the bank,

the shower you take before bed.

You lose people.

Some may even lose one every day.

But the ones worth keeping

will always find their way back to you

somehow.

You lose people.

But sometimes when you lose someone

you also find yourself.

Loss can be a win

if you let it.

You lose people

and other times,

people lose you.

and so it goes, round and round,

losing and winning

join forces

and in the end

the only thing that matters

is that you don’t ever

lose yourself.

 

and if you forget, I’ll remind you

remind yourself that you are worthy

remind yourself every single day that

not everyone deserves to receive the

kind of love you have to give

remind yourself how hard you worked to

not feel lonely when you’re alone

and also how lonely you felt when

they gifted you hands instead of

an open heart,

when they inhaled you in

for only a moment

afraid of the responsibility of

holding your force in their lungs

remind yourself that you’re a beautiful storm

and those that don’t learn to dance in your love

will always be blown away

remind yourself of how many chances you’ve given

to the broken and afraid and of how

you being whole led them to run away-

they don’t feel needed when you’re complete

so remind yourself it’s good

when the weak ones leave

and remember, always:

you don’t need another half

just someone to match

the size of your heart and

the strength of your love.