The State of Life

One feather out of place,
rising from my head as if wishing to fly away
These days,
I’ve been lost in my ways
finding myself in the most comical state
hopeless,
not helpless
Pleased,
not merely satisfied
with the state of
life

It may be mine,
but it feels like it belongs
to her
This other person living inside of me,
Who dresses in leather skirts and pointy black flats
to go to work
and who likes her wine and chocolates,
at night
deep under the covers
dreaming of nothing,
nada
because she’s already
got it
all.

Advertisements

1 pm

She woke up feeling fat.
PMS.
Would men ever understand?
Would she?

She wasn’t one for pity or shame. Shimmying into her tiniest bikini “PMS be damned!” she exclaimed, then poured a glass of wine and lounged under the gentle afternoon sunshine.
1 pm.

This week, she had been all about breaks: giving her body, brain, and heart one. The box of mementos she dug through recently reflected someone fierce. Strong. A chaser of dreams, an adventurer if there ever was one. But these days, that wasn’t her.

She was tired. Lost. Walking the marathon of life. It’s not that things were bad, for they certainly weren’t. It was the mediocrity of it all that killed her. Good enough just wasn’t enough. Not for her. She was always one with big plans, chasing life, grabbing on as if hanging from a speeding train. Pushing herself, always, to succeed, achieve, faster, better, stronger, one more set, one more page, one more song… But lately, wasn’t she just enough? The way she stood there, naked with all her faults? Someone should love her down to the bones, defects and all. She expected that of others, so why not of herself? Tired of being her own worst enemy, she gave herself a gift: a few days to do as she pleased, without thinking about silly things like proper manners and custom and what others would think.

So she drank more wine than she knew she should, and peeled off one more layer, took off one more mask for him;
She ignored phone calls and texts, and read and ate breakfast and wrote honest words, all in bed; She left her nails chipped and didn’t wear makeup, slept naked without brushing her teeth, picked wildflowers, sang in the shower, and danced in her room with eyes closed until everything stood suspended and she felt alone in the world, without worries or pain, or fears of tears and goodbyes;
With no heartaches or thoughts of future “I love you’s” and crushed hearts;
With no insecurities or need for covers and masks;
No miscommunications, unsaid words, half-empty glasses and gray skies;
Only sun and light.
Flowers, sunrises, and starry nights.

Only Love. And peace.

That’s all she needed.
That’s all everyone ever needs.
Love.
Peace.

She repeated the mantra in her mind until PMS felt like a silly little thing.

Pinot Grigio

Fill this plastic cup to the top
Pinot Grigio
Tipsy at work
What’s life for,
If you don’t have a little fun?

Sometimes rated R
No filter in my mouth
“Keep away from children”
I should’ve come with a label
I’m rocking my 20s
Don’t kill my vibe

Chasing the glow
Gypsy
Elusive creature
Bet you can’t catch me
But I’ll let you try
Yes, mister

Sylvan Esso in the stereo
Because I’m cool too
Wanting to wrap myself around you,
My sexiest blanket
If there ever was one
But the daily grind keeps you away
Thinking you need some more of me today to meet your daily quota of fun
Here baby, sip from my plastic cup
Pinot Grigio
No snakes in my hair but I’ll seduce ya
Devil in disguise
But I won’t fool ya
You get what you see
And what you get
is all of me.